Director: James Cameron
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Edward Furlong, Robert Patrick
Tagline: "This time there are two."
Random Trivia: Edward Furlong went through puberty during the shoot. Seriously. His voice changed, and most of his lines had to be re-dubbed after filming was complete. Way to age kid. Hollywood - where 6 is the new 10.
Dadum dum dadum... Dadum dum dadum... Dadum- oh shit, I did that last time didn't I...
Lightly Baked back with my review of the second in the Terminator franchise, and third overall for the site, if my review of The House Bunny ever sees the light of day (that's right, I watched The House Bunny, big whoop, wanna fight about it?).
I gave T1 a solid 5 out of 5, so what does that mean for Terminator 2: Judgment Day? Are we adding a Twice Baked rating to the scale?
I'll put a disclaimer on this puppy: I love both these films, for different reasons. I'm not one of those reviewers who gets a happy hard-on for every movie they watch. I prefer an ending the makes me think next to nice big juicy explosions. Not that I mind big, juicy explosions... Damn, this is getting a bit suggestive. Anyhow, The Terminator, 1984 edition, was an awesome 80s "unstoppable killing machine" movie. It was simple: What the fuck do you do when a guy who just won't fucking die comes after you. Where do you run? Who believes you? Who helps you? How do you fight back?
Terminator 2 is a very different creature once you get past the unstoppable dude - this time Robert Patrick as a liquid metal shape-shifting terminator - angle. It tries to take the film up a notch to the "epic" level, with varying degrees of success (epic is fucking cliche, but forgive me - if there is any installment in the series thus far where this applies, it's T2). It's one of the rare sequels that a lot of people will argue was superior to the original. Yes, it has those big explosions, and was the summer blockbuster event flick of '91, but it has a story, a message, and a tagline far better than the one I tossed in for the intro of this review: There is no fate but what we make for ourselves.
Or, more simply: No Fate.
It's a coming of age tale, a movie about friendship, family, and inevitable fate, and of cheating just that.
And it's got killer fucking robots.
So enough with this serious shit.
A little back story: Writing this review, I'm watching the Extreme Edition DVD (theatrical cut) with the ex again, but in reality - historically at least - I'm watching this in Ontario, Canada, in the summer of 1991. My best friend and I have been fucking stoked to see this puppy since we heard about it. I've got every inch of the trailer with Arnie coming down the assembly line committed to memory, never mind that the scene never appears in the movie. I'm a huge Guns N' Fuckin' Roses fan, and You Could Be Mine is one of the best soundtrack songs ever, with an awesome use of clips in the video to boot.
Opening day, we convince my buddy's dad to drive us to the theatre and foot the bill. He has no interest in the film because, well, he's not much of a movie buff, and if he was, he'd be into serious drama and arthouse films. But he's cool enough to take us to the show and drop us off. He even gives us cash for snacks.
And then the big FUCK YOU from some 20-something who's only joy in life is wiping the smile off children's faces: The movie is 14A. We're 13. NO ENTRY.
14A is a Canadian invention. It means if you're not 14, you need an adult with you. Sure, my buddy's dad is our guardian, and he bought us the tickets - but senor Douchebag insists that he buy a ticket as well, and babysit us for the entire movie. Which he has no desire to do.
You schmuck. Do you not remember being 13? You're not going to get arrested for letting us in, and you're not getting promoted for selling an extra ticket. I hope, sincerely, that you wound up with a horrible case of crabs later in life.
The movie hasn't even started yet and I'm already wishing someone dead.
Luckily, pop's cool enough to buy a ticket, sit through the previews, and leave after five minutes. So a HUGE thanks to my buddy's dad, over a decade late.
Back to the present.
My meal tonight is pasta with garlic toast. Milk. mmmm... something *cough cough* sorry, weed cough - is kicking in.
Now on with the show!
"This time there are two" means, of course, we've got an extra terminator. With Arnie playing good guy this time out, reprogrammed to protect juvie John Conner, it leaves Robert Patrick as the badass. As the story goes, he modeled his performance on Eagles/birds of prey. You can see it. I didn't appreciate the guy in anything else til his underrated performance on The X-Files years later (yeah, I'll go there - he was probably the only one trying in the last few seasons, so good on him). Regardless of his body of work, though, he OWNS this role. You buy that his T-1000 is way more deadly than the walking hunk of metal that is the T-800, and not just because of the cool liquid metal effects from ILM.
The character intros: near perfection. We get a cool bar scene (naked Arnie at Lady's Night) that sets up Arnie as the anti-hero with a bit of comedic timing. Patrick's T-1000 comes off as brutal. And Sarah Conner - we'll get to her in a bit.
But first - here's our future hero, John Connor - who is apparently a punk kid in this. His step parents are... actually, normal parents. Of course John thinks they're dicks, but seriously kid, Todd doesn't seem so bad. You could have wound up with some creepy old perv, so take what you can get. I suppose this is meant to make us see his rebellious side. Great. He's a rebel punk twerp. Because there's nothing you want to see more in the future defender of the human race than a hot-headed streak and some attitude.
This is one of the rare flaws I've found with characters in the flick. Most of them are spot on. Even the supporting cast. And to be fair, I like Edward Furlong's portrayl in the long run. It's not easy to work with kids in film; most of the time they come off as awkward, goofy, or trying too hard. Furlong is relatively natural. But our introduction to John is the only one that seems weak, after a string of awesome intros. We should have started off with him lifting cash from the ATM. Instead, we get a brat.
Speaking of lifting cash from an ATM (worst. segueway. ever.): John, it seems, has learned a few things from mom, including that you can brute force ATM's with a portable video game machine. Who knew?
Back to the character intros. I said they were awesome, nay? I said the only one I found a flaw with was Furlong's. Well, best for last (in this review; I'm not sure I have the order right chronologically). Is there anything more awesome - and I promise, this is the last fucking time I'll use that word - than watching Linda Hamilton do chin-ups behind bars? And, well, hot? Now Sarah - when we left her, Sarah Connor had been a trapped cat. Frightened, forced to fight back, and, at the very end of the first film, finally free and setting out on the road to... somewhere.
In the years between the films, Sarah has hardened. She's a survivor. She's battle ready. And, since she decided to get herself busted and blab about her visions of the future, she's institutionalized.
Way to let your gums flap.
In the end, though, she's badass. For reference, see Ripley, Ellen. Oddly enough, from another James Cameron movie. I'm seeing a trend... and your sarcasm meter just exploded.
The insane asylum setting also gives Cameron and co. the excuse to bring back Dr. Silverman - to much better effect here (and not nearly so contrived as in the third movie).
At this point, my notes are beginning to fail me. Here's what I have left:
We see the locked-down world that is Sarah's life. We see her struggling to keep up appearances, in the hope that, if she's deemed cured, she might see her son. We meet those around her, including one hell of a creepy perv of a guard, to which I wrote: Creepy guy is creepy. Him licking Sarah's face is even creepier. But as mentioned, she is kinda hot... prison sex, anyone? Ahh well. To think, today, this movie would be PG-13.
Woah, cat. At some point, there was a cat.
As Silverman begins playing Sarah videotapes of their past sessions, I can't help but think "Hello, Sarah. I want to play a game..."
My mind is a series of one-liners and movie taglines.
One of these things is not like the other, one of these things is not the same. We're at the arcade. John and his pal are pumping in quarters, and there's... girl gamers? In 1991? I think not. Those, my friends, are a modern invention, and the result of a gender-friendly casting director.
Pictured below is a clip from one of the most epic sequences in action/killer robot movie history. And of course, roses are much more effective than a geranium.
I realized something partway through the flick - there's some serious latent robot homosexuality going on here. It's Hobbit-like.
Ok, not really. And I'll defend Sam til my dying day!
Once Sarah is reunited with John, this becomes a buddy movie between a boy and his Terminator. A mother/son bonding movie between Sarah and John. And a race to destroy the company behind Skynet, Cyberdyne Systems.
We get the big reveal:
"Who sent you?"
"You did."
John sent the Terminator back. This is where the whole time travel thing starts to fuck with things. Would knowing the future not change your reaction to it?
There is no fate but what we make for ourselves.
This is an awesome idea. In the context of the movie, it plays out perfectly, but good luck escaping from that fact that in preventing the future - i.e. putting off Judgment Day - John Connor is essentially wiping himself out of existence. If there is no Judgment Day, and if Skynet is destroyed, there are no Terminators sent back in time, thus Kyle Reese is never sent back in time (see T1), and hence, John no longer exists - nor does this movie.
On the other hand - the movie fucking rocks. So we'll overlook such things as logic. And give you this:
We, as the audience, should have known that the second John did not cease to exist, after the destruction of Cyberdyne Systems and the Terminators, that John and his mother had failed. Judgment Day was still nigh.
Fate, therefore, is inevitable. Or so it would seem.
My notes are no longer just failing me, they're outright gibberish.
There's some sort of reference to Pedobear. And apparently, I greatly enjoyed the chase scene on the freeway, the skewering of a guard by Robert Patrick's T-1000, and helmet hair on some hospital orderly.
This makes it three for three on reviews that go unfinished for me!
To sum it up: If you haven't seen this film, you should. Not least of all because T4 is due any day now, and it would help to know what the fuck is going on. It's on any action movie fan's list of must-watches. The liquid metal T-1000 was a turning point in special effects. The action is top-notch and, a few plot holes aside, the script is solid.
Scale, theme, everything is bigger. While I love the first film for being somewhat colder, and find T2 a bit too sentimental in the end, it still kicks major ass.
Lets just hope the future war in Salvation turns out half as good.
Overall rating: Fully Baked (5 out of 5) - I promise not to do this often.
